Epilogue...

I love this blog. I do. It is probably one of the best things I've ever written. That being said, I've decided that it is finished. While that makes me sad, this chapter of my life is over and it makes sense to basically archive this blog. It will not be deleted and I'm not going to stop blogging but it will not be under this title. This blog is about my life in Suriname and experiences I had there and I don't want anything to take away from that.

My new blog is about my life now and what is going on currently. Feel free to check it out and check in with what's going on. http://www.achancetomakeitgoodsomehow.blogspot.com/

Thank you so much to everyone who read this, followed this, supported me, prayed for me, thought of me and enjoyed what I wrote. You have no idea how much you blessed me.

And They Lived...

So what happened to the princess who moved down here in that first blog post?

Well, she's still a princess but she now has the ability to laugh at herself, to not take things as seriously, she met some people who changed her life for the better, she has learnt that while she's not a traditional teacher she's still a very good one, and she discovered how you treat them is better than how you teach them sometimes.

The princess also has learnt a few things about God along the way, that she's enough for Him and that He wants to be in control of things. She also learnt He's never going to leave, and that He will provide everything.

She has learnt a few things from people as well: confidence, the joy of not taking it all too seriously, the power of one good apology, that it's okay to need people, sometimes a hug is all you need and that you should find something you love and do it whole heartedly.

She still likes to shop (hello shoes and dresses!), she still hates bugs and still believes in sarcasm, it's just less of a weapon now.

And that princess, the one who got off the plane two years ago, with a broken heart and some major insecurities? She found A Prince Charming who loves her for who she is. A Prince who healed her heart without her even knowing it and who is kind and patient. A Prince who's family embraced her with open arms and she loves them back equally in return. And the princess and this prince are going to live happily ever after; because the princess is still a princess after all and likes to get her way!

The End!

Author's Note: Thank you for following along with time in Suriname. I've been so blessed. Blogging not over though, just my Suriname adventure.

The Difficult Kind...

Today was my last day at IAS. It's a very strange feeling, pretty bittersweet. I'm going to miss it a lot and I'm not. This wasn't the easiest of semesters, but it built character.

Even though it's over and it might not have been easy, I did love almost every moment of it and wouldn't change anything about it; even the not so easy stuff. It might not have simple but it was life changing, awesome, amazing and incredibly challenging at the same time. What more can you ask for?

What I've done (and what I'll miss)...

It's been busy here. Final exams, spring concerts, soccer games, plays, work, things to finish, last minute shopping trips, good bye parties and so much more. The closer I get to leaving (less then two weeks) the more I am alternately sad and happy. I'm happy to go home and see my family and I'm sad because I've built a life here. There are things I'll miss and things I won't and in honour of that, I've made some lists. I like lists.

Things I won't miss:
-power outages!
-rainstorms
-bugs
-extreme humidity
-bugs

Things I will miss:
-Tuesday night card night
-Chocolate milkshakes
-loempia (awesome egg roll thing)
-Fabienne
-other card nights
-The Hut
-Gouda
-warm weather in February
-palm trees
-my front porch
-roommates
-TVD discussions
-the movie theatre
-the restaurant behind the Fort
-baked goods all the time
-my co-workers (they rock!)
-my students
-my desk

And that list doesn't even come close.

I like it...

I wrote something! I've been doing poetry with the 9th grade and I taught them this really cool poetry form that was taught to me. It's called a West African Praise Poem and it's all about the author. It's pretty hard to do actually. But here's mine. It's not great, but I'm proud that I finished it.

I am a warrior, a champion.
I have brave sisters,
and fierce and all knowing
parents.
My family tree stretches
back for generations upon
generations.

Sometimes I am a fragile warrior
and a damaged champion.
I can be a butterfly with
broken wings or an eagle
capable of soaring to the sky.

I am the calm in the eye of the
hurricane or I am the hurricane,
the wild wind and storm. I am a
5'6'' gale force wind.

My colour is pure but also
irrelevant. I prefer to think of
myself as blue, both peaceful and
regal.

I move throughout this world
one day at a time, either
calm or chaotic. I
am my own way.

Things to Remember...

Psalm 18:28 You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.

Isaiah 42:16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.

Job 29:3(b) And by His light I walked through darkness.

Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.
Martin Luther King, Jr

Let the sunlight in
You might never get this chance again
So take a deep breath and hold it in

So let the wind take its course over everything
You have no control when it's out of your hands
You should take a minute for it all to settle in
I said take a deep breath and hold it in

Let the sunlight in
You better get as much as you can
Cause you might never feel the same again
And take the wind, let it blow away everything
I said take a deep breath and hold it in

Olin and the Moon wrote this one. Since I still can't find words, I'm going to continue my streak of using song lyrics to describe how/what I'm feeling.

There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah...

Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen (end of the 4th verse and the whole 5th.)

I love the honesty and the sadness in it. Sometimes I think that we have to pretend that we're nothing but happy and that everything is okay. Sometimes everything isn't okay and sometimes we can't pretend anymore. I have had no words for awhile now, nothing worth saying it seems, so I'm borrowing someone else's. Someone who clearly knows what it's like to feel broken and to know that there can be light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but someday you'll like yourself again.

Imagine...

So, I'm teaching today all about sentences, clauses and phrases. It's going really well and everyone seems to be understanding. Next thing you know I'm way off topic and I'm trying to explain how God was there before creation, why God allows everything to happen the way it does and where is the geographical location of Heaven? My deep answers (not in order): 2) Because God wants us have free will. 3) Does that matter and I don't know. 1) You're limiting God. The God who created the rules of physics is not bound by them. Somethings you just have to take on faith.

We also had a great discussion about why I usually don't wear a cross. My answer was because I don't need a symbol to remind me of what I believe. Followed up by "but other people might see it". My answer was that my life should be the symbol, not my jewelry.

No matter what happens, my day is never ever boring.

Life's a Dance...

Jenn and I have always joked that our lives in Suriname should have a soundtrack. Well, one joke led to another and finally we're pulling out paper and writing down all the songs that define our time here. Some of them are there because we hate them, some because they play over and over on Suriname television, some because they led to moments we loved and some just because we really enjoy the song. So here's the soundtrack. And their stories...

Don't Stop Believing(Glee Version)

This song is catchy and our students are still singing it.

California Girls (Katy Perry ft. Snoop Dogg)

This one played every time I turned the car on French Guinea. Jenn hates it. Ashley loves it. I laugh. It made the list.

Wavin' Flag Celebration Mix (K'Naan)

Jenn spent the summer in South Africa. Our students were excited about the world cup. This song was everywhere.

Love the Way You Lie (Eminem ft. Rihanna)

Jenn really hates this one, which is why it made the list.

Dynamite (Taio Cruz)

Ditto.

Billionaire (Travis McCoy ft. Bruno Mars)

This is loved by some of my students. It got stuck in my head and I started singing it, then Jenn started singing it and then we tried to figure out what we'd do with a billion dollars.

Empire State of Mind (Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys)

Honestly, this one just appeared. Not sure of the story behind it.

Single Ladies (Beyonce)

Jenn and I both hate this one. Hate it. And every time we did anything last spring this song was playing.

One More Night (Busy Signal)

This song is everywhere in Suriname. It plays on tv, at the pool, in the stores... You name and you can hear it there.

Baby (Glee Version, not Bieber)

Everyone pretty much spent all summer singing this. The reason for the Glee version is the guy covering it at least sort of sounds like an adult.

Hey, Soul Sister (Train)

This got stuck in our heads one night but we really couldn't get any further than the chorus, so we had to go home and listen to over and over again.

Heads Carolina, Tails California (Jo Dee Messina)

This one inspired the epic road trip to Jenny.

Down at the Twist and Shout (Mary Chapin Carpenter)

This is the one we really just like.

There you have it, the Suriname Soundtrack.

My Favourite Things...

My new favourite thing? Gold, dangly Indian-looking earrings that make noise when I turn my head. It's like wearing wind chimes. I love wind chimes, there is something so pointless about them. There is a set on my front porch that I like to sit and listen to sometimes. I'm going to miss that front porch. I'm also going to miss being able to sit on a front porch in March enjoying warm breeze and palm trees.

Heads Carolina, Tails California...

I love long weekends and random national holidays. Friday we decided to rent a car and drive. Anywhere. We just needed to get out of the city. This random road trip came about because last Saturday while I was baking cupcakes (yes, you read that right), the song Heads Carolina, Tails California came on my Ipod. Jenn and I both started singing along and then we got talking about how we can relate. We were kind of laughing about going somewhere and then the next thing you know we've hauled the map out and are convincing the guys they need to go with us to see a town called Jenny.

So Friday morning rolls around and we picked up the rental car, argued about who's driving (Jenn), the music (everything thing, anything), eaten breakfast (chocolate bars) and we're ready to go.

It was amazing. The road is so much better, the houses are interesting and everyone grows the most beautifully coloured flowers. It's so green, like someone coloured everything with all the greens in crayon box. There were trees I've never seen, grain elevators and some of the best painted telephone poles ever. The bridge over the Coppename river was super long, but when you looked out you could see the ocean.
Also there was a Hindu temple for sale, so if any one is interested...

We finally found "Jenny", which apparently we drove by and didn't notice. We actually stopped about three kilometers after that and called that Jenny. All that was in our Jenny was a public toilet.

We had a lunch out of the trunk of car, standing on the highway taking pictures of each other and the scenery. The drive back was all about taking pictures and eating cheese sticks. We arrived safely back around 3 pm, prime nap time.

Saturday after returning the car we attempted to go see the wooden cathedral but it was closed. We ended up having an impromptu pizza party in our living room instead, as well as having Mexican night later that evening. We eat very well here!

All in all, it was pretty much perfect. I'm not sure what I'm going to do without the "random national holiday" in my life next year.

Enough...*

God really only gives me one lesson at a time. It's all I've proven I can handle. But lately there are two thoughts that have been going through my brain:

-If you are trying to play God in parts of your life, you need to step back and let Him be God in all your life.

-You can't let God down because you are not holding Him up. He is the one who does the holding up in your life.

It's funny, I had the morning devotion this morning and I spoke about control and how I'm afraid of the upcoming year because it's unknown. I would like to be in control of what's going to happen next and I'm not. God is. And sometimes I believe that He will provide, but pretty often I need to be reminded. It's easy to have faith that God will provide when you're employed, with a house and a mode of transportation. When you're unsure, it's way more scary. So I talked about how I need to stop giving my life to God and then taking it back. The taking back, not the giving. High school chapel this afternoon was all about identity. Are you listening to what God says you are, or the world? The world rips us all to shreds and spits us back out but God thinks way differently. We are made in His image, which is pretty amazing.

Let's just sum up with: God is trying to teach me something. Two actually. The first is that I'm trying too hard to make everything perfect. Just let go and let it be His. I can maybe do this for 5 mins at a time, but that's progress. He will take care of me. The second is that He holds me up, not the other way around.

*Bonus Blog. This is what high school chapel does to my brain. Go Jenn! And God!

On and On...

Random Update via List time:

-There are 69 days of school left. It feels like a lot and not enough at the same time.

-I have had really nothing new happen. So no life, no blogging.

-It was time this week to pick our class quote. My 9th grade homeroom and I looked at some really deep, academic quotes and quickly decided that, while we are geniuses, those quotes really aren't us. Instead we quoted ourselves, because we're cool like that.
"Overheard regularly in 9th grade: "Can she cook?", "Miss, can you break a 50?", "Whine to someone who cares.", "Without women there is no point in living", "Can I has an A?", and "Seriously, stop talking!!""

Yup, that's what's going down the yearbook as our class quote. Sheer brilliance.

-Rainy season. Biked home the other night in the rain, without a raincoat. I was soaked to the skin in about 30 seconds. It was warm though so it wasn't too awful. I kind of don't mind it.

-Various birthdays, holidays and parties. Superbowl was probably my favourite.

-Taught my 11th grade class how to make Freedom Quilts out of construction paper. We were reading about slavery. Greatest lesson ever. They were too funny. We had great debates about how to fold the paper, how we should measure and whether Ms. Bird knew what she was talking about. They were split 50/50 on that one.

-Managed to give three different tests, mark them and hand them back the next day. Equally impressive - everyone handed their papers in on time.

-Tuesday night SAT prep is over because the SATs are over. I can't get the seniors to leave though, so it's turned into Tuesday night card night. We've attempted to teach them Canasta but we've actually got them to master Skip-bo. Cheating just adds to the entertainment value, right?

-I've come to the realization that next February I will wish (like crazy) that I were back in the tropics. My 9th grade told me the other day that they don't want me to leave. They like this class, me and they'll miss me. Sometimes I really think I could stay just for them alone. But I'll miss them. And some many other things...

Surprise Me... (Not)

There are two kinds of surprises I like: candy and jewelry. That's it. I hate all other kinds. I read the backs of books first, if possible I find out how movies end, I work hard to find TV spoilers. I just don't like not knowing. I also dislike change. This sometimes makes real life difficult!

Lately my real life has been in a state of upheaval. I had accepted a job in Japan which I was looking forward to taking. It was with a NICS school, it paid more money - my next two years planned out and ready. Except this week I've been struggling with the idea that this really isn't what God wants for me. At all. In fact I'm pretty sure God wants me to shake up the snow globe that is my life and live with it - in Canada.

Home doesn't seem like a radical change to most people but for me it is. It's unemployment, faith and trust and a whole bunch of issues I am now tough enough and adult enough to face. So, home might actually be the biggest change of all right now.

Don't get me wrong, I love Canada and my family but I also love travel, steady work and living all over the world. In honour of thinking positive I'm finding one thing a day that I'm looking forward to about home (besides family). I've come up with: boots, girl guide cookies, fast internet, snow, hanging with my sisters, hanging with my best friends, my mum and dad being 10 mins away, not being away for Christmas, STARBUCKS! and that's just this week.

It'll be different and not what I'm used to but I, of all people, know that different doesn't always mean bad - sometimes it means really good.

Anthem for the Year...

December was crazy. Incredibly busy, really fun, amazing and sad all at the same time. Christmas turned out great, my Florida vacation with my parents was like Mary Poppins (practically perfect in every way). I met them in Tampa and we went to see a hockey game, walked on the beach, ate tonnes of salad and shopped like champions. It was great. It was sad because I would have liked to have been there to say goodbye to Sarah, but life has to go on. 2010 was a good year over all and ended just as well.

2011 was rang in with me missing the fireworks in Florida because I was standing in a queue for lemonade. Actually I don't care about that because there were so many fireworks in Suriname the week before that I felt I didn't miss anything. It was fun to hang out with my parents on New Years and just to hang out with them in general. They're pretty funny, although I can give my dad's rant on pop-culture verbatim now; I've heard it that much!

So 2010 was pretty amazing. I ended 2009 by looking at all the things I had done that year that I had never done or experienced before, so here goes 2010's version:
-taught English lit
-made some care so much about what they were reading they showed it emotionally
-conducted a Christmas concert
-traveled to French Guyana
-had someone make it snow for me
-went to a professional hockey game
-played Dutch Blitz
-lost someone I loved
-"adopted" half my senior class for Tuesday night study group at my kitchen table
-had one of my students tell me that she really respected me
-had a professional makeover
-learnt that the baggage I sometimes carry around doesn't matter, and how to let it go
-got a job in Japan

Those some of the highlights, but not all. Some of those I'm keeping just for me.