Oh Pretty Lady...

Sarah,

I wish I had emailed sooner. I wish I had emailed more regularly. I wish I didn't need to write this, I wish you could read it. I hope you knew how much you meant to me. I wish, I wish, I wish. If wishes counted eh?

There is so much I want to tell you, things I should have, things you'd like or laugh at. I've been in love, not sure you'd have liked him but you'd have been glad I was happy. Had my heart broken, you'd have been a good hand holder. Had a few Ashley "specials", and yes I still use that term for the boys I date when I'm bored. Met a guy who made it snow for me. You'd have liked that one and him.

Someone one referred to me as the Queen of Can-eh-de-a the other day. I laughed, because I'm pretty sure you and Emma coined that term first. Every time I have cupcakes I think of you and the fact that the Hummingbird Bakery got most of my salary. I still remember Coke in mini cans and pizza and shopping and the fact that you owned the most gorgeous designer heels known to man and preferred ballet flats. I'm wearing mine now, you rubbed off on my footwear preferences. You also shared your fondness for skinny jeans, black nail polish and smudgy eye make up with me. Three things I wear regularly and will now always think of you.

Red heads are special you used to tell me. I hope you knew how special you were to me and how much I valued our friendship. You were my first London friend, and seriously one of the nicest people I know. The first night we had dinner together and you "made" pasta. Our many fish and chips outings, I still eat mayo on my fries which grosses out most people.

I still have your Moschino skirt. It doesn't fit me anymore. I'll never throw it out now. It's that terrible sea green colour that both of us hated because it didn't do us any favours. It will stay that colour for the rest of my life. I've still got my Kate Moss dress too even though I'll probably never wear that again either. Now they're just triggers for my memories.

I still go on the Myla website and think, why couldn't that stuff have been this fabulous when we worked there? I loved working with you. I have so many memories of that job and that store and you. It's all tied up together.

I miss you, I miss knowing that you're there. It makes me sad that this is the first email I've written you in over a year and you don't get to read it. Elisalex and I are talking though. We've decided we can't let this happen again, we meant so much to each other and that we were so close, we should stay that way.

You taught me confidence, in myself and in my beliefs. You helped teach me that the people you least expect can be the best of friends. You believed I would be an excellent school teacher, and as your predicted I'm now teaching secondary school. English lit.

I hope you know how much you touched me, changed me and how much more complete my life is for knowing you. A year seems like a short time, but you can cram a lifetime into it. I miss you. I love you. And I wish I had sent this a month ago.